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How to be a submissive and still ask for what you want?

submissive in BDSMBDSM dating is a real buzz when you get it right. Because it involves power role play, BDSM sex allows people to get deeper into their psyche and take on the role that they feel makes them most comfortable. Some people like to be dominant and take control of the sexual role-play, while others prefer to be submissive and therefore dominated by the other person. It is interesting to note that lots of high achieving people such as managers and CEO’s enjoy being dominated from time to time, so get great pleasure in playing the submissive.

For the submissive there are as many tricks to be learned as there are for the dominant. While the dominant has to learn the control element and how to safely perform all the various positions safely, being a submissive is not all about blindly following their lead.

As a submissive, you still have to know how to enforce your boundaries so that you always remain within your comfort one. Since all people have different desires and fantasies, sometimes even really experienced dominants can do something that crosses boundaries and cause the submissive to become uncomfortable.

The good news is that there are a few really handy tips that you can use to make sure that everything stays within your boundaries, without you having to give up your role as a submissive. Here are our tips on how to be a submissive and still be able to ask for what you want.

Where to find a BDSM partner?

There are loads of fantastic BDSM dating sites with millions of people, who are all looking for a BDSM hookup.

Before you do anything, talk everything through

Lots of people, especially submissive, think that somehow it dampens the feeling to talk things through before you get started. Though there is a certain degree of truth about this, it is far better to make sure you both know what is acceptable and what is not before you begin. This stage is particularly important for submissives, as they are the ones who give up control, and so are taking the bigger risk.

Anyone planning to engage in BDSM should go through the things that they would like to do and the things they don’t. This could be anything from the need for condoms to how long the dominant can choke the submissive. Another important thing is that you must establish safe words or body movements that will signal the dominant to immediately stop what they are doing. Without these, a serious accident or worse could happen, so it is vital to make sure you talk about this and know what these safe words are.

An easy way to have this conversation is to start with the things that you don’t want before you talk about the things you do. Talking about your fantasies will lead in nicely to you both getting into the mood for what comes next.

If in the future, as your relationship develops, you decide you want to do more, then this is another time you need to sit down and redefine your boundaries with a talk.

During BDSM

Once you get started, the important thing as a submissive is to be able to let the dominant take full control. If you are new to BSDM dating, then it might take you some time to learn to fully give up control. During what some people call the ‘new submissives freshman stage’, it is still likely that they will need to guide the dominant in some way so that they can feel comfortable. Fear of letting go also causes many new submissives to make body movements that are part of trying to resist the dominant’s control.  This is completely normal and will be overcome in time, provided the dominant stays within the agreed boundaries, of course.

Remember your safe words!

If the submissive feels ever feels that the dominant is about to go too far, then it is time to use the safe words. These can be any one word or word combination that triggers a warning to the dominant. Some BDSM practitioners use only one safe word, which when said, usually means that the dominant must completely stop what they were doing. Other practitioners use a whole set of different words that are used as guidance for a much wider set of actions.

Possible uses of safe words:

  • Completely stop everything
  • Stop what you are doing and do something else
  • Commands like harder/stronger/faster/slower
  • I need a 5-minute break
  • That hurts
  • I need to move

Take your time to build into it

submissive manThere are loads of reasons why you will be better off taking your time to build into your BDSM role. You might be completely new to being a submissive, might not feel completely comfortable with new areas of BDSM you are about to explore, or even are still not fully trusting of your dominant. Whatever your reason, the best single bit of advice anyone can give you is to take things slowly.

Don’t jump in at the deep end and just hope for the best. All aspects of BDSM can be built up in stages and don’t require you to go in at full speed. If you are interested in being tied up then start by just tying up one arm or the legs. Going slowly is particularly important when it comes to things like throttling and whipping, for example, as these can cause serious damage and even result in death if taken too far.

Build into things slowly, and to all you submissives, remember to use your safe words if you ever feel you need to!

Trust is king

The most important thing about being a submissive is that you must completely trust your dominant. Trust in BDSM is usually something that has to be built over time, which is why BDSM with a person really does get better over time. With complete trust, a submissive can completely let go and be able to fully enjoy being dominated.

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