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Getting Connected: Using BDSM Communities to Get Your Next Hookup

BDSM ConnectLooking for your next BSDM hookup? Well, the great news is that there are more ways than ever to meet new BDSM partners to help you get your fill of kinky fun. Only a decade ago, it was really hard to meet likeminded sexual partners, something which was a really frustrating thing for everyone looking for a good hookup. This problem was exacerbated by what has been come to known as the sleaze factor, namely the high percentage of creepy and undesirable people who seem to gravitate to BSDM like bees to a flower.

The advent of the internet really opened things up to give all of us kinky lovers new ways to find BDSM partners. BDSM dating sites, online forum communities, BDSM specific websites, chat groups, and the wealth of other great ways to meet new people, now leave us with more options than we know what to do with. To help you get the best results for the effort you put in, we have a few top tips on how to use BDSM communities to get your next great hookup.

Best option for a hookup: Online Dating Sites

 

If you want the best chance of getting a BDSM hookup in the quickest time possible, then BDSM dating sites are definitely the best option. Though they are touted as a community, the reality is that these sites are all about getting people together for hookups, and occasionally a more serious relationship too.

Choosing the right dating site can make a big difference to the kinds of people you meet, so we would definitely recommend taking a look at our reviews of the various sites to find the best one for you. Generally, the larger sites offer way more people for you to connect with, but you do need to be aware that the larger sites sometimes have the feel of being a meat market, which really limits the chance of you getting those super-hot people.

Some diehard BDSM hook up artists are reaping plenty of rewards by using regular dating apps such as Tinder to pull out some good quality, often new BDSM hookups from them. The rewards might be huge, but the scale of the effort required to sift through that large amount of people to find ones willing to participate in kinky sex is too overwhelming for most people, who generally don’t bother.

Anyway, check out our reviews on what the pros and cons of each site are before you sign up, particularly if you are looking for specific things like seriously hardcore BDSM.

BDSM social media sites

 

For those of you who are truly interested in expanding your horizons and getting involved in the real BDSM community, the best option is to get connected with a good BDSM social media site.

Some of my favorite sites include BDSMfriendbook.com, FetLife.com, ALT.com, iTaboo.com, and A kink-friendly. All of them have a really great community feel and are definitely a great way to really interact with the real BDSM community. The fact that you can share your life through pictures, comments and interests will really help you build some genuine relationships while also opening up the chance of getting plenty of really great hookups.

These sites operate as social media for a real community, something that makes it pretty easy to spot the creeps and to block them so that they can’t bother you. I have certainly found the quality of the hookups on these BDSM social media sites is a lot better than off dating’s sites, though obviously, the quantity is not nearly as good.

The old fashioned way: meeting hookups in BDSM friendly bars and clubs

 

Put on your best clothes and hit the street the way people looking for new hookups used to. The art of chatting someone up in a bar or club is dying fast. This is kind of a shame as it is actually really fun so long as you can overcome the fear of rejection. There are huge advantages of this kind of face to face networking, particularly as it gives you the chance to see them for who they really are, opposed to what they let you see online. Also, when you meet someone and click with them, it is easy to turn this kind of connection into a hookup.

BDSM Gatherings and Parties

 

Though most people think that gatherings and parties are specific to the swinger community, there are in fact lots of BDSM specific parties that you can go to, provided you get an invite first, obviously.  Whether these parties are aimed to be more a social thing or to be a hookup fest, they can be an excellent way to get your next hookup.

The nice thing is that their environment offers complete protection when compared to clubs, where there is always the chance you might hit on someone who is not into BDSM. Unless you know someone who is hosting or has been invited to one of these parties, then your best bet is to hit online social media sites and start networking as much as you can until you find someone who is involved in this side of the BDSM community.

Guides to BDSM communities

 

There are lots of well-written books that are an enormous help into how to get involved with the BDSM community. Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather, and BDSM Communities by Mollena Williams and Lee Harrington, is arguably one of the best. The book is a step by step look into the world of BDSM and is really informative on both the different parts of BDSM but also with it’s in depth look into the community as a whole. The book is one of the best places to find great news way on how to use the BDSM community to get hookups.

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How to be a submissive and still ask for what you want?

submissive in BDSMBDSM dating is a real buzz when you get it right. Because it involves power role play, BDSM sex allows people to get deeper into their psyche and take on the role that they feel makes them most comfortable. Some people like to be dominant and take control of the sexual role-play, while others prefer to be submissive and therefore dominated by the other person. It is interesting to note that lots of high achieving people such as managers and CEO’s enjoy being dominated from time to time, so get great pleasure in playing the submissive.

For the submissive there are as many tricks to be learned as there are for the dominant. While the dominant has to learn the control element and how to safely perform all the various positions safely, being a submissive is not all about blindly following their lead.

As a submissive, you still have to know how to enforce your boundaries so that you always remain within your comfort one. Since all people have different desires and fantasies, sometimes even really experienced dominants can do something that crosses boundaries and cause the submissive to become uncomfortable.

The good news is that there are a few really handy tips that you can use to make sure that everything stays within your boundaries, without you having to give up your role as a submissive. Here are our tips on how to be a submissive and still be able to ask for what you want.

Where to find a BDSM partner?

There are loads of fantastic BDSM dating sites with millions of people, who are all looking for a BDSM hookup.

Before you do anything, talk everything through

Lots of people, especially submissive, think that somehow it dampens the feeling to talk things through before you get started. Though there is a certain degree of truth about this, it is far better to make sure you both know what is acceptable and what is not before you begin. This stage is particularly important for submissives, as they are the ones who give up control, and so are taking the bigger risk.

Anyone planning to engage in BDSM should go through the things that they would like to do and the things they don’t. This could be anything from the need for condoms to how long the dominant can choke the submissive. Another important thing is that you must establish safe words or body movements that will signal the dominant to immediately stop what they are doing. Without these, a serious accident or worse could happen, so it is vital to make sure you talk about this and know what these safe words are.

An easy way to have this conversation is to start with the things that you don’t want before you talk about the things you do. Talking about your fantasies will lead in nicely to you both getting into the mood for what comes next.

If in the future, as your relationship develops, you decide you want to do more, then this is another time you need to sit down and redefine your boundaries with a talk.

During BDSM

Once you get started, the important thing as a submissive is to be able to let the dominant take full control. If you are new to BSDM dating, then it might take you some time to learn to fully give up control. During what some people call the ‘new submissives freshman stage’, it is still likely that they will need to guide the dominant in some way so that they can feel comfortable. Fear of letting go also causes many new submissives to make body movements that are part of trying to resist the dominant’s control.  This is completely normal and will be overcome in time, provided the dominant stays within the agreed boundaries, of course.

Remember your safe words!

If the submissive feels ever feels that the dominant is about to go too far, then it is time to use the safe words. These can be any one word or word combination that triggers a warning to the dominant. Some BDSM practitioners use only one safe word, which when said, usually means that the dominant must completely stop what they were doing. Other practitioners use a whole set of different words that are used as guidance for a much wider set of actions.

Possible uses of safe words:

  • Completely stop everything
  • Stop what you are doing and do something else
  • Commands like harder/stronger/faster/slower
  • I need a 5-minute break
  • That hurts
  • I need to move

Take your time to build into it

submissive manThere are loads of reasons why you will be better off taking your time to build into your BDSM role. You might be completely new to being a submissive, might not feel completely comfortable with new areas of BDSM you are about to explore, or even are still not fully trusting of your dominant. Whatever your reason, the best single bit of advice anyone can give you is to take things slowly.

Don’t jump in at the deep end and just hope for the best. All aspects of BDSM can be built up in stages and don’t require you to go in at full speed. If you are interested in being tied up then start by just tying up one arm or the legs. Going slowly is particularly important when it comes to things like throttling and whipping, for example, as these can cause serious damage and even result in death if taken too far.

Build into things slowly, and to all you submissives, remember to use your safe words if you ever feel you need to!

Trust is king

The most important thing about being a submissive is that you must completely trust your dominant. Trust in BDSM is usually something that has to be built over time, which is why BDSM with a person really does get better over time. With complete trust, a submissive can completely let go and be able to fully enjoy being dominated.

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Here’s Why You Should Try Out Bondage Today

Woman in BDSMBe honest, have you ever fantasized about being tied up? If your answer is yes, then you are part of the estimated 60% of males and 45% of females in the U.S who have. Bondage has for decades, been one of the highest ranking sexual fantasies, along with happy ending massages and threesomes.

Nowadays, bondage is a frequent part of BDSM dating and is becoming more practiced than ever before. Media is fueling the rapid spread of bandage. Originally causing uproar in the film Basic Instinct, the more recent Nymphomaniac actually caused bondage rates to saw, showing that these movies have only served to spread the appeal of bondage to a much wider audience.

But why is bondage so popular even when most people don’t want to admit to engaging in it? The simple answer is because it really is so exciting! Around 90% of people who try bondage once do it again within the next 6 months, which is certain proof that it really adds often much needed spice to the bedroom.

Here are 5 great reasons why you should try out bondage:

  1. Excitement

When it comes to great sex, excitement is truly the name of the game. We all know how great it feels the very first time we slept with someone and how that part fades the more we slept with them. This is a natural process which is the same with everything from eating too much of the same food to spending too much hanging out with a friend. The more you do something, the less it is going to excite you.

Whether you are in a long term monogamous relationship or are losing the excitement when it comes to hookup dating, bondage is a great way to throw some excitement into the mix and reignite the thrill of sex.

  1. Trust

Tying someone up or being tied up is one of the best ways to reaffirm trust in a relationship. Though you won’t discover, until you actually try out activities like bondage or swingers dating, trust itself is actually a powerful aphrodisiac that can heighten the sexual experience dramatically.

Bondage requires a huge amount of trust because once tied up,a person will be completely at the mercy of the person who tied them up. Though the pleasure element does partially reside in not knowing what they will do to you, the only way you can truly relax and enjoy the fun is if you know that the person who is dominating you will not go too far and will stop at the slightest sign that you are unhappy.

  1. Heightens your senses

One of the best parts of bondage is that for the person who is tied up, it multiplies the sensitivity you feel to what is being done to you. Our brains only have so much power, so as we do more things with our body, the attention we pay to certain sensitivities diminishes as others increase. For an example of this, you only need to consider how when a part of your body is suffering from severe pain it drowns out smaller pains or itches that you might have on other parts of your body.

Being tied up focuses your attention on your body’s sensitivity because the need to control your body becomes unimportant. A really effective way to heighten the senses even further during bondage is to blindfold the person who has been tied up. When we lose one of our senses the others compensate for this loss, so by removing sight, the mind focuses its attention on sounds and the feelings on the skin. Blindfolding someone tests the trust element also, leading to extremely high levels of excitement and arousal.

So what are you waiting for? It’s time to tie up and blindfold your partner.

  1. Let you be dominated or the dominator

 bondage BDSMA key part of BSDM dating is the power play that underpins all sex. The control and application of power can make all the difference between lousy and great sex. BDSM practitioners all have one thing in common; they are obsessed with power in sex, and manipulating it in more testing ways to heighten the enormous buzz they get from it.

Bondage is the gateway to BDSM sex as it is easy to practice and exciting to most people. When compared to spanking, for example, something which most people don’t like, the gentle power of bondage as the reason for its mass appeal becomes apparent.

The sexual excitement when it comes to the dominant and submissive in bondage is really quite different. The dominant who does the tying up will feel a mastery of the situation and excitement in knowing that he or she is in control to act and is able out their fantasies. The submissive will feel an excitement arising from the danger aspect of not knowing what comes next and being totally under the control of the other. Both are equally great feelings but can be very different. This is why when it comes to bondage, most people like to take turns being the dominator and the dominated.

  1. Letting go

The reason that all of us have fantasies is that there are so many things that we can’t do in life. We fantasize about all kinds of different things, from being rich, traveling the world, being a superhero to being tied up and dominated by a good looking stranger. Sex is just one area of fantasy, but obviously an important one. The problem is that because of the stigmas that are attached to many types of sexual fantasy, we all feel like they are too dark and seedy for us to try out.

Trying out bondage at all is a huge act of defiance to conservative values that have become attached to sex, but you know what, it really feels great to do!  So don’t let misguided and old fashioned views keep you from having all the fun you deserve, so grab a trusted partner and try out bondage today!

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Dominant and Submissive: Who is Really In Charge of BDSM?

Dominant and SubmissiveAfter watching Fifty Shades of Grey with my friend, we decided to head over to a Starbucks to discuss the world of BDSM. My friend Daniel has been in a BDSM relationship with his wife for over three years. He explains that BDSM involves a dominant and a submissive. The Dominant is the one who is on top and in charge of the submissive. The submissive will obey and sacrifice his or her pleasure for the dominant. He or she will allow the dominant to take control over every action. Before both the dominant and submissive get into action, they have to create a contract. This contract discusses the “limits” that the submissive puts on the table. Limits are basically what the submissive is willing or not willing to do. At the end of the day, Daniel claims that the dominant is always in charge, but in actuality, I believe the submissive is the one in charge.

Here is the deal with the submissive-dominant relationship. “The submissive gives up control to the dominant until such a time they feel it necessary to take that control back.” For example, if the dominant is on top and is whipping the submissive, it may seem like they are in charge, but once the submissive feels that it’s too much, they can yell out their safe word. Then the dominant will have to stop and give back the power to the submissive.The submissive is the one who agrees and disagrees with the limits, they are also the one who creates the limit. In addition, they make a safe word that is easy to pronounce that will command the dominant to stop if the submissive feels uncomfortable. The submissive decides how far to take it and when they want to stop. The dominant may have control over the submissive but they do not get to decide the transfer of power. Only the submissive can decide where the power goes, therefore the submissive is truly in charge.

After my explanation, Daniel was confused. He further claims that if the submissive was in charge then why don’t they ever get on top or control the activity. The simple answer is “trust,” which the submissive must have for the dominant or else the relationship will not work. It is disrespectful for a submissive to get on top of the dominant without permission. It is a sign of distrust towards the dominant and can ruin the dynamic of the sexual activity. This would represent the struggle for power rather than the exchange of power. The struggle would signify the lack of control and confidence on the submissive’s part. This is why it’s important for the submissive to truly trust the dominant in the BDSM activity. The deep meaning of the trust lies in the fact that the dominant will not push the boundary and will ultimately respect the submissive, and is willing to give back control when it is requested.

Daniel started pondering about this philosophical explanation. He has finally understood the idea behind the relationship. He is a dominant who trust that his wife (the submissive) will serve his needs and provide him pleasure over her own. She trusts that he will not harm her or go beyond the boundaries. Whenever she feels uncomfortable and that it’s too much, she will yell out her safe words, and Daniel will have to stop. The whole BDSM exchange of power progression goes something like this: Before commitment (the control lies with the submissive), at commitment (control is passed to the dominant with limitations), learning (as the dominant breaks down limits, more control is given by the submissive), at maturity (more control to the dominant), at decline (submissive gradually takes back control), and end of commitment (submissive has total control).

BDSM relationshipDuring the whole BDSM process, you will notice how the submissive begins the activity and ends the activity with control. Ultimately, submissive role needs to remember that control is given not taken. In some ways, a vanilla relationship between a man and a woman has some BDSM to it. Men are bigger, dominant, and protective, and women are smaller, petite, and submissive. Men are usually on top during sex, and women on the bottom. Despite all this, the woman is the one in control. She determines the exchange of power and when to take back control. If she is uncomfortable with the sex or love making, she is the one who usually stops it. The man who is dominant is given trust that he will not harm the woman.  If the woman does not trust or respect the man, the whole dynamic is ruin. If the man does not respect the women’s limits, the dynamic is also ruin. Basically, BDSM involves a lot of trust and respect between two parties, the dominant and submissive. If these elements are not taken cared of, then BDSM is not safe for both parties.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the submissive is submitting because they want to. It’s pleasurable to submit to the master. However, a slave submits because he or she has to. It is commanded by the master. “Want to” and “have to” are on the opposite spectrum, the former is desire whereas the later is forced. Submissive involving BDSM is the desire to please the master, therefore it is the control of power. The Master’s slave isn’t really submitting to him, rather she is submitting to her own desire to do so which in turns means that he is not on top. Therefore a slave that isn’t really submitting is being commanded by a master that isn’t really dominating. This would be the exceptional irony of BDSM where the submissive is the master and the dominant is the slave. Keep in mind that it is important that the dominant feels free and relax to dominate without feeling judged by the submissive. If the dominant does not feel this freedom, he ends up being a pleaser tool to the submissive. That is why a healthy balance is required in order to create a desirable BDSM experience.

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How to Get Your Partner into BDSM?

BDSM lifestyleIf you find that you have urges to either dominate or be dominated by your partner in the bedroom then there are plenty of things you can do to make them aware of this and even get them to join in.

Since the release of the movie 50 Shades of Grey, the amount of people practicing BDSM has skyrocketed. The image of old married men being spanked by some leather clad dominatrix put many people off and kept it a relatively unexplored part of people’s sex lives. The movie helped to remove this unappealing image and unmask BDSM for what it really is, a healthy way to act out power role-plays in a way that is exciting and safe.

Getting into BDSM can be a little nerve-racking, partly because of the stigma attached and partly because of an understandable nervousness. If you are someone who has been in a relationship a number of years, then letting your partner know that you are interested in BDSM is scary enough, but actually getting them to act it out is far more difficult.

How to begin

If you have decided that you want to start exploring BDSM, then here is how to get your partner involved.

Firstly, you need to pluck up the courage to actually tell your partner that you want to try out BDSM. This will certainly be a nerve racking thing, but there are definitely ways to do this to make it much less of a big deal than it needs to be.

Gradually working BDSM into your sex life is probably the safest bet for most relationships. It can begin with something simple, like getting your partner to assume either a dominant or submissive role during some regular sex act. This could be getting them to spank you or you spanking them. You can then build on these roles over time to see how your partner responds. It might be that they just go with the flow, but more than likely you will end up having to talk about the new part of your sex life at some point as you get deeper into it.

Alternately, you can just sit them down and talk about your feelings and desires to find out whether this is something they are happy with.  The direct approach is a little riskier but ensures that you won’t put them in a position that they feel uncomfortable during sex. It also reinforced the trust in your relationship, which is always a good thing.

Here is a list of things to keep in mind when approaching your partner to talk about BDSM:

Trying to keep it sounding as relaxed as possible, you need to let your partner know you need to talk (don’t make it sound like you are going to break up or anything).

Before you sit down, make sure you have thought through what you want to say.

Don’t put it off as you may well not end up ever doing it.

When you start talking, don’t talk too fast and too much without ever letting them get involved in the conversation.

Go step by step through your thoughts and feelings explaining as much as you can.

Always make sure your partner understands. Ask them to ask if they don’t.

Make sure you emphasize the positives of BDSM for your relationship. If they are honest, they will also recognize that your sex life is less exciting than it used to be.

Be sure to recognize that your partner might need time to get used to the idea. If you feel that they need more information then give them some resources to look at that help them better understand your BDSM desires.

If they agree, don’t expect that they are going to jump in at the deep end and just do whatever you want straight away. You need to maintain realistic expectations and understand that they might not be willing to do everything you want from them.

Okay, so they are in. What’s next?

BDSM sexYou will already know if you are dominant or submissive. With any luck, your partner will be the opposite because if he or she is not then you could really have a difficult situation on your hands. Most heterosexual males will have a tendency to be dominant as this is the roles that most societies still assign to their gender. However, increasingly men are seeking a submissive role in rejection of this. Talking with your partner will allow you to really see what he or she is comfortable with, though if you find that you are both dominant, for example, unless you are both willing to rotate roles in order to please the other,your journey into BDSM might already be over before it has begun.

Best ways to start BDSM

After you have a good understanding of your roles, you are ready to start your journey into BDSM. The key really is taking things slow and building them up over time. Start with some mild activities such as spanking and tying them up, and then go from there. The more hardcore BDSM activities are definitely not for the fainthearted and so need to be built up to. These need to be performed safely and carefully, so require you to become comfortable in BDSM before you even attempt to perform them.

Very important is that the dominant person makes sure that they know exactly what they are doing, and at all times, this person makes sure that they do not overstep the boundaries set out by the submissive person. Finally, for more dangerous BDSM activities, you must have a safety word with which the submissive person can instantly stop the proceedings. A safety word will prevent the chance that the dominant oversteps his or her boundaries, or risks causing that person any real injury without realizing it.

Never forget that provided BDSM is undertaken safely, it is an excellent way to bring newfound fun and excitement to your sex life.

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Pain+Pleasure=BDSM? More about BDSM You May Not Know

What is BDSM?BDSM is the new sex god act in town and you cannot think of it without the movie “50 Shades of Grey” popping up your mind. BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).To many people, BDSM is perverted and dehumanizing but those who have actually tried it describe it as the most fulfilling and loving form of intimacy. People who love sexual fetishes are those who are most likely to engage in BDSM dating. They would flood BDSM sites in an effort to learn the best BDSM tips and how best to get intimate with their partners.

The origin of BDSM can be traced to the ancient times. Some five hundred years ago, a strange disease had spread through Europe and a group of people walked along the streets beating their bodies with whips and chains as they sought redemption from God. They soon realized that there was pleasure in pain and suffering and that was the birth of fetish dating.

Sex has been exploited and it is no longer a sacred topic. Some have taken it overboard unleash their sexual demons. Many people have the desire to be tied and become someone’s slave but that is not what BDSM is all about. BDSM sex basically involves people going into a trance,letting loose and being a totally different person so as to attain maximum pleasure from sex.

BDSM in our everyday lives.

Millions of couples practice sadomasochism every day without even realizing it. Every time people have fights, insult each other but they still don’t walk out of those relationships because that is where they find pain, pleasure and suffering, that right there is BDSM 101.

Spanking, rough sex, anal sex, anal fingering, hair pulling, the use of a safe word, organism denial and organism control are other ways through which couples practice BDSM without even knowing it.

Practicing BDSM.

People should be careful before practicing BDSM. This is because BDSM sex is not something you can fumble your way through.It is an act that touches the soul, is quite addicting and can be pretty harmful to body organs.

It is important to discuss with your partner your likes and dislikes as well as your pain spots. The next step is to try out staff in anon-sexy way because bondage can sometimes induce panic. You cannot imagine what would go on in your mind when your foreskin is stapled to your thigh.Would you laugh of pleasure or wince at the thought of pain? One has to learn the art of scaring the living shit out of someone but in a sexy way.

Creating a pleasure house and adopting dominant and submissive roles require some changes in your normal life. The polka-dotted pajamas you wear on a normal basis would not work and you need to think of leather pieces with metallic studs.

Before you begin any BDSM sessions, the dominant partner should leave the room so as to allow the submissive to ‘get into character’ and prepare himself/herself for action. Some fetish sites call this decompressing. It is very important to always remember the safe word as this notifies the dominant that submissive cannot take the pain anymore. Since most of the time the submissive is gagged, there should be a hand signal for a safety word as well. The dominant needs to trust that the submissive will use their safe word to avoid panic setting in.

Historical and Scientific Relevance of BDSM.

Rome and Persia believed that a man could sacrifice himself to save his Country. In ancient Greece, the Spartan warriors were whipped every year, all day long in respect of the goddess Artemis while the crowd cheered them on to bear the pain with dignity.

Practicing BDSM.In the history of the Saints, St. Rosa run through a garden, letting the thorns tear her skin. St. Domingo Loricatus whipped himself every night before sleeping. They all said that pain once mastered could lead to religious ecstasy.

Research findings reveal that BDSM practitioners appear to be less troubled than the general population. They are more extroverted, more open to new experiences, and more conscientious than other normal people are. They are also less neurotic, a personality trait characterized by anxiety. BDSM aficionados also scored lower than the general public on rejection and sensitivity. People practicing BDSM also reported higher levels of well-being than people who weren’t practicing it. They also reported more secure feelings of attachment in their relationships and were found to have better mental health.

Approaching BDMS the right way.

Things can quickly get out of hand in BDMS relationships. The red flags include things moving too quickly for your comfort, being pressured to do things you are not sure of, inappropriate attitudes, uncomfortable comments or questions, lack of communication, ignoring the safe word or signal. These are signs that your partner does not respect your boundaries and your body. Equality in BDSM relationships should be maintained. This is because both partners are equal and that one person consensually agrees to submit in a way that is mutually beneficial to both of them. Submission is something that the submissive gives to the dominant and they have the right take it back and walk away anytime. If someone is domineering, make demands that are not agreed upon or treats the submissive in a way that makes them feel like they are less of a person,then they are against BDSM rules which call for mutual respect.

A lot of stigma is attached to sexual appetite and desires and as such many people tend to shun BDMS. However, BDSM is pretty normal and quite pleasurable if trust, honesty, and equality are maintained just like in any other relationship.Have you ever wonder why fear makes you love more. Why the painful past of your partner makes want to cling to them? Why the everyday fights with your partner makes you passionate and desire them than ever before? All these behaviors are human and are more tied to the fact that we all have the sadomasochism in us.

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BDSM Guide: 7 Tips For Spanking

spanking sexBDSM has received much attention among people who live out there in the world. This has created an ideal platform for the popularity of spanking. Spanking can be considered as one of the most amazing experiences that you will be able to enjoy along with BDSM hookup. However, you need to have a clear understanding about spanking in order to get the best out of it. Here is a comprehensive guide on spanking, which would work for all the BDSM couples and singles.

  1. Set up the dominant and submissive roles

As the first step of spanking, you will have to think about setting up the dominant and submissive roles. Without these two roles, it would not be possible for you to engage with spanking. Usually, the male partner plays the role of the dominant. However, it is perfectly fine to switch the roles as well. If you become the dominant partner, you should think of spanking as a measure that you are taken to punish your partner for how bad she has been. It would be a good idea to discuss the things with your partner, before you go ahead with spanking. Then you will be able to select appropriate roles with a clear understanding. The next thing you should do is to let your imagination drive you throughout all those naughty scenarios and thoughts.

  1. Define the limits

Like all the other techniques in BDSM, spanking should also be associated with a limit. It is up to you to discuss with your partner and agree upon that limit. It would be a good idea to set up a safe word, where your partner can say out loud, when you go beyond her acceptable limits. It can be any word. However, you need to be careful enough to pay your attention towards that word. You can keep on enjoying the pleasure of spanking, until the safe word comes out of the mouth of your partner. When you are into BDSM, it is completely natural to force your partner to many different sex techniques. These techniques could include rough ones as well. However, it is important to have a clear understanding about the techniques with your partner, before you get into them.

  1. Warm up the butts first

Before you start spanking, it is important for you to warm up the butts of your partner. Then you can think about increasing the intensitygradually. In other words, you should never start spanking straightaway. This can deliver a painful experience to your partner. You can lightly swat the butt of your partner and this will assist you to create a soft stinging sensation. In addition, she will get used to the spank as well. When you go through few slaps, you can think about increasing the intensity gradually.

  1. Develop anticipation in between the spanks

It is extremely important for you to develop anticipation in between each and every spank. That’s because slapping the ass of your partner too fast can create discomfort. This can turn off your partner. Therefore, you need to have a break in between each and every spank. You can also think about using that break in order to build anticipation. For example, you can think about giving two to three spanks for your partner in a row. Then you can rub her lady parts and kiss her back. After that, you can think about slapping her butt again. You need to keep in mind that such an experience could be fun and erotic. Therefore, you should be aware of when you should go for the break.

  1. Use different hand techniques

BDSM spankingWhen it comes to spanking, you are provided with the ability to try many different hand techniques. These hand techniques are in a position to create various sensations. You should always keep the fact in your mind that spanking is a form of art. It is up to you to follow that form of art, so that you can end up with the best possible results. Spanking with a supped palm can be considered as one of the most popular spanking techniques available for you to try out. This can increase the noise that is being produced while spanking, without increasing the pain. On the other hand, you can also think about trying to spank with a flat palm, while having all your fingers relaxed. This can also give life to more noise at the time of slapping. This hand technique can be used to deliver the real stinging sensation to your partner. You can think about switching in between these techniques in order to enjoy the best out of spanking.

  1. Use toys

It would be a good idea to use toys while you are spanking your partner. If you are a person who is into BDSM dating, you must be having a good collection of toys along with you. When you incorporate the toys into spanking, you will get the opportunity to enjoy a unique experience. If you don’t have any toys, you don’t need to worry about anything because it is possible for you to use some of the household items such as whips, paddles and belts for spanking.

  1. Add dirty talk into the spanking session

Last but not least, all the BDSM couples should think about adding dirty talk into the spanking sessions. This can transform spanking into a fascinating experience. Both you and your partner can think about adding dirty talk into the session. You have to keep the fact in your mind that you are punishing your partner through spanking for a reason. Therefore, you need to be dominant as well as erotic. If you can whisper dirty things to the ear of your partner, you will be able to make spanking a unique and a wonderful experience. If you don’t know how to dirty talk, you are encouraged to learn it, before you get into spanking.

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Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Dating

beginner's guideA lot of couples needs to investigate the unusual side of sex called fetish sex however they are scared. In case you are a new to kinky sites, there’s justifiable reason motivate like Going too far, too quick, or even a minor miscommunication with your sweetheart can wind up harming the relationship.

In any case, couples who are new to BDSM dating likewise have such a great amount to pick up by investigating new parts of their sexuality.

What is BDSM?

The letters mean a variety of things that relies upon who you inquire. The most well-known and expansive meaning of BDSM is

  • Bondage
  • Discipline
  • Dominance
  • Submission
  • Sadism
  • Masochism

It’s an umbrella term that incorporates an extensive variety of sensual exercises that consenting grown-ups use to investigate their sexuality. It can be light subjugation, cutting edge as suspension caning or sexual acts.

So here is how you can explore the field of BDSM dating.

Know your desires

Dreams have a place in your sensual creative ability and can effectively fuel your sexual excitement. In dreams, there are no constraints or outcomes. A longing is a desire for a genuine affair. Know the distinction and let your dreams run wild while being reasonable about what you truly seek in your sexual relation.

Know the BDSM energy you want

When you have a feeling of what your bona fide wishes are, get clear about what sort of BDSM energy you like. It is the inspiration behind any sexual demonstration.

  • A straightforward kiss, for instance, can feel amazing or awful depending on your way of transferring it
  • When you begin investigating more extraordinary sexual acts like servitude, it is critical that you be perfectly clear about what sort of sensual BDSM energy you wish to understand.
  • A suggestive spank can feel sweet and delicate, or classless.
  • On the off chance that you simply request that your mate spank you, you may not get what you need.
  • When you get particular, you can both unwind into your parts and are much more prone to have the sexual experience you have desired.

Know your partner’s needs

Before you start kinky dating, go out on the town and have a long discuss what you need to encounter together; permit this discussion to go about as a component of the foreplay. Clear all the details about the kinky sites and the type of BDSM dating that they would like to have.

On the off chance that you cannot have a genuine discussion about something, you most likely are not prepared to give it a shot. Once you have investigated in the discussion, you will have a considerably less demanding time during BDSM satisfying each other’s needs, without being hurt.

One adventure rule

Many individuals who are new to BDSM dating tragically try out a considerable measure of new things without a moment’s delay. This makes it difficult to make sense of what you like and what you hate. So it is better that you stick with the one adventure rule and try one exciting thing at one time.

For instance, attempt a basic sexual hitting first. In the event that you like it, you can include light servitude. Or, on the other hand, verbal train. Or, on the other hand, climax control. Every component will include another layer of fervor and hazard, so attempt each one in turn and manufacture your future unusual enterprises out of the components satisfied your needs of BDSM dating.

Set limits

spanking sexIt is basic to define clear limits each time you investigate BDSM dating. You both need to recognize what will and will not occur. It is significantly simpler to unwind into new sensations and surrender in the event that you are not stressed over what to expect next.

Set clear limits and afterward and make sure to stick to them. You can simply renegotiate next time. Notwithstanding, keep on building trust by remaining inside your settled upon limits.

Move slowly on BDSM dating

For those new to BDSM dating, there’s dependably the desire to attempt overwhelming sensation. Develop power gradually, and there is a path to a lesser extent a possibility that somebody will get hurt. Regardless of what action you are learning on fetish sites, back off and focus on each progression of this little sexual act.

In case you’re uncertain how much force your mate needs, utilize the numbers from 1 to 10, one being delicate and ten will be as much as I can take. At any point, you can rapidly look at in and find if your mate is feeling like a three or an eight.

Watch and learn

In the event that you are new to BDSM dating, going to BDSM sites and basically watching other individuals play can be comforting and satisfying. You will open your brain to the potential outcomes and on the off chance, that you focus on what turns you on, you can take in a great deal about yourself. Numerous BDSM sites have workshops where you can learn new abilities in a protected situation.

Bottom line

In the beginning, you must move forward slowly with your fetish, yet keep your choices open. A great deal of BDSM sex exercises look much more exceptional than they feel. Penetrating, for instance, is something many people appear to be reluctant to attempt, however, can really feel truly amazing and will not feel the pain. Keep a receptive outlook, investigate one thing at any given moment, and for new things you should never say no.

Sexuality is an important part in our lives; we require diverse things at various stages, and the way toward finding yourself as a sexual being never closes. Particularly in long connections, the soul of interest and investigation can go far toward keeping your bedroom adventure exciting. So make sure to use the best kinky sites to find your ideal fetish dates.

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Sex Toys Make BDSM Dream Come True

What is great about BDSM is that is includes all kinds of sexual fantasies, games, practices, you name it; practically anything fetish sex dreamthat turns you on in the bedroom can be found under the same umbrella, called BDSM. And what would a BDSM hookup be without some toys to enjoy? Yes, we have several parts of our body to be used when playing erotic games, but toys just spice up things and make our imagination run wild. If you really want to enjoy alternative sex dating as you should, just as you picture it in your dreams, sex toys should definitely be a part of it.

During a kinky dating process, you should talk with your potential partner about the preferred toys, the ones he or she used, and the ones he or she would like to use. Finding out the preferences of the person you want to date in the bedroom, concerning sex toys, will give you a hint if you two are heading towards the right decision. See if you would enjoy any of those toys or if you would like to experiment new things that way. An open conversation about the use of sex toys must definitely occur prior to a BDSM hookup, just because there are so many sex toys out there, so you should be prepared for what is coming and get the chance to say no if things are not evolving in the desired direction. For instance, some would think bondage, plus bondage sex toys, very arousing, while others may not enjoy being tied up. In fact, when it comes to being tied up, you should be very careful and do it only with persons that are trustworthy.

Other people may enjoy some whipping or slapping, others like role playing and wearing various clothes and uniforms, others feel really hot wearing all kind of fetish clothes, while others find it sexy to use swinging devices. And this is only a small part of sex toys that you could find out there. With other words, your sexual adventures can really be full of imagination is you would just explore the potential sex toys have and what they can bring into your life. Of course, you cannot say that you like or dislike something before actually trying it. Still, if the sole idea of using a particular sex toy is appalling and you don’t see yourself doing it, then you shouldn’t force yourself into it. But, as a general rule, most people are open to trying new things, new toys, to see if they really enjoy them. The truth is that once you do try some sex toys, you will want more, because they can really make you experience the same things you see in your favorite porn movies. You will feel like a porn star and you will be more than satisfied with your alternative sex dating. The toys are the condiment you need to live truly pleasurable intimate adventures, so you should not hesitate to introduce them in your bedroom.

The biggest advantage of using sex toys is that you can enjoy something new each time.

BDSM Sex ToysThese toys are very versatile and come in different shapes and sizes, and for different purposes, so most certainly you will find some toys that will make your BDSM fantasies come true indeed. So, do you have a sexual dream you want to bring into your real life? With the help of sex toys it will definitely be a part of your reality. If you don’t have already a partner that is ready to experiment BDSM hookups with you, you should start checking out the people that subscribe to BDSM dating sites. You won’t believe just how many there are and what great chances you have in finding that particular person who will be ready and willing to experiment with you.

You have one life only, so it would be a shame to keep your dreams from turning into a palpable reality. With an increasing BDSM community online and with so many sex toys available in online shops, you are practically steps away from fulfilling your sexual fantasies. Are you worried that people will think you’re a sick person when they’ll see what you order online? Don’t you even worry, because the shops that provide sex toys also offer maximum discretion. No one will ever know what just arrived in the package delivered by the currier, because nothing awkward will be written on the box and no clues will be visible about the content. You will receive just a plain ordinary box, coming from a provider that has a regular company name, just like in the case of ordering anything else. It is nobody’s business what you are doing in your spare time and in your bedroom, this is why sex toys providers offer you maximum privacy.

Truly, you now have all the reasons you needed to engage in kinky sex. So many people already enjoy their sexual fantasies, while you are just dreaming about them. Things don’t have to be that way at all. You have everything you need to make them happen, from dating sites, where you can find the best matching partners for your fantasies, to online stores that sell a wide range of sex toys, ready to turn a BDSM hookup into one of the wildest intimate moments you ever had. You’re young and you deserve to live your life as you want. But, whatever you do, just don’t forget to play safe. Take time to meet your partners before ending up engaged in sexual games and never forget about using protection, especially when having sex with people you barely know. Enjoying your sexual fantasies is great, but you should never compromise your safety, health, and wellbeing for them. Take all precaution methods and do not accept doing something that is not making you comfortable. The purpose of having sex games in your life is to make things fun and exciting and not dangerous for you in any way possible.

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Paid or Free? Which Sex Hookup Sites Are Better?

We all love free stuff, but they aren’t always the best option. The idea of not having to reach into our pockets is very attractive to Free VS Paidmany of us, which is very understandable considering that most people work hard for their money. But, when it comes to free things, you cannot expect to get high-quality. If quality and safety matters for you, then you should be prepared to pay the price. The same rules apply when it comes to casual sex sites. They have both free memberships and paid ones, so they can cover every niche of customers. But, if you can pay for a premium membership, go for it, due to various reasons.

Casual sex dating is great because you can satisfy your desires and fantasies without getting involved into a relationship you don’t want. This is why casual sex sites appeared, because there were many people looking to find partners with the purpose of having sex, out of mutual consent and without any strings attached. So, instead of hunting for partners in clubs, bars, or coffee shops, you can easily enjoy a casual sex hookup if you become a member on one of these sites. If you are not sure how things work and you are not prepared to pay for such services, you can opt for the free membership until you get the hang of it. But, do try to switch to the paid membership as soon as possible. Why do so? Here are some good reasons to do that.

Paid memberships of casual sex sites are not so expensive, considering the fact that you won’t have to pay for the sexual adventures you will get, like it happens in case you decide to visit a brothel, for instance. If you opt for such memberships, you will enjoy much more features than in the case of standard, free memberships and enjoy many advantages that you won’t find in the free version. Some sites have included in the price of the paid membership cool things like live webcams and chat rooms, match making algorithms, the possibility to see videos posted by other members, photos, and many more. Not to mention that customer service will be provided with priority to premium members, in case you encounter a problem.

But, above all, paid memberships mean safety and protection for you. You see, no matter how great casual sex sites may be and how amazing it is to find so easily partners that are willing to see you just to have sex, there are some risks involved as well. There are persons who will try to take advantage of people like you, by putting together fake profiles. So, if you come across such a profile, you won’t be able to foresee with whom you are going to meet. Usually, these fake profiles are among the free ones, because perpetrators are looking to gain something out of this, so they won’t be willing to pay a dime. Reputable sites will do periodic checkups of profiles, in order to find out if there are any fake ones among their users. But, when dealing with a significant number of users, the task is quite challenging.

Casual BDSM SexIn the case of premium memberships, the site management is more careful. Premium members are always checked and they enjoy a better protection of their profile and personal info. Plus, when the site makes recommendations of users that may be a potential match for you, they previously check the user to make sure that he or she is a reliable one. So again, if you are looking to find quality, you won’t get it for free, that’s for sure. If you want to make sure that your time of such websites is not lost and that your safety is considered a priority, don’t be cheap and opt for the paid version. Premium members enjoy a bigger success rate than standard members, due to the wide range of services and features they enjoy. And, after all, you joined a casual sex site to enjoy sex, so you’d better pay a few dollars if you really want to get it.

Besides matching algorithms, the rest of the site’s users will be attracted to a premium member, because this status inspired trust, reliability, and desire to meet others with the purpose of having a casual sex hookup. Just think about it. If a person is willing to pay for such services, if he or she doesn’t care too much about the few dollars spent on a premium membership, it means that he or she has a steady job, a good life, good living conditions, and it is well-intentioned. This is also because of the fact that premium profiles look much better than free ones, as they contain more details about the member. And, even if you are looking for fun and nothing else, it is rather comforting to know as much as possible about the person you are going to share a bedroom with.

So, are you looking forward to exploring your sexual fantasies with a person that is looking to do the same thing? Then stay on the safe side by choosing to pay for a premium membership on a reliable casual sex site. There is no point in taking any risks, since you are looking to enjoy your time and not end up in unpleasant or even dangerous situations. Whatever you do, just keep in mind that not all the people out there have positive thoughts and you should always be careful about what you do and what you choose. But, if you can increase your protection through opting for a paid membership, in the online environment, you should not think twice about it. For a small amount of money, the risks of finding people with fake profiles and not so good intentions will drop considerably, and you will be able to enjoy the reason you decided to become a member on casual sex sites. Remember that having fun also means to be safe.

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