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How to Get Your Partner into BDSM?

BDSM lifestyleIf you find that you have urges to either dominate or be dominated by your partner in the bedroom then there are plenty of things you can do to make them aware of this and even get them to join in.

Since the release of the movie 50 Shades of Grey, the amount of people practicing BDSM has skyrocketed. The image of old married men being spanked by some leather clad dominatrix put many people off and kept it a relatively unexplored part of people’s sex lives. The movie helped to remove this unappealing image and unmask BDSM for what it really is, a healthy way to act out power role-plays in a way that is exciting and safe.

Getting into BDSM can be a little nerve-racking, partly because of the stigma attached and partly because of an understandable nervousness. If you are someone who has been in a relationship a number of years, then letting your partner know that you are interested in BDSM is scary enough, but actually getting them to act it out is far more difficult.

How to begin

If you have decided that you want to start exploring BDSM, then here is how to get your partner involved.

Firstly, you need to pluck up the courage to actually tell your partner that you want to try out BDSM. This will certainly be a nerve racking thing, but there are definitely ways to do this to make it much less of a big deal than it needs to be.

Gradually working BDSM into your sex life is probably the safest bet for most relationships. It can begin with something simple, like getting your partner to assume either a dominant or submissive role during some regular sex act. This could be getting them to spank you or you spanking them. You can then build on these roles over time to see how your partner responds. It might be that they just go with the flow, but more than likely you will end up having to talk about the new part of your sex life at some point as you get deeper into it.

Alternately, you can just sit them down and talk about your feelings and desires to find out whether this is something they are happy with.  The direct approach is a little riskier but ensures that you won’t put them in a position that they feel uncomfortable during sex. It also reinforced the trust in your relationship, which is always a good thing.

Here is a list of things to keep in mind when approaching your partner to talk about BDSM:

Trying to keep it sounding as relaxed as possible, you need to let your partner know you need to talk (don’t make it sound like you are going to break up or anything).

Before you sit down, make sure you have thought through what you want to say.

Don’t put it off as you may well not end up ever doing it.

When you start talking, don’t talk too fast and too much without ever letting them get involved in the conversation.

Go step by step through your thoughts and feelings explaining as much as you can.

Always make sure your partner understands. Ask them to ask if they don’t.

Make sure you emphasize the positives of BDSM for your relationship. If they are honest, they will also recognize that your sex life is less exciting than it used to be.

Be sure to recognize that your partner might need time to get used to the idea. If you feel that they need more information then give them some resources to look at that help them better understand your BDSM desires.

If they agree, don’t expect that they are going to jump in at the deep end and just do whatever you want straight away. You need to maintain realistic expectations and understand that they might not be willing to do everything you want from them.

Okay, so they are in. What’s next?

BDSM sexYou will already know if you are dominant or submissive. With any luck, your partner will be the opposite because if he or she is not then you could really have a difficult situation on your hands. Most heterosexual males will have a tendency to be dominant as this is the roles that most societies still assign to their gender. However, increasingly men are seeking a submissive role in rejection of this. Talking with your partner will allow you to really see what he or she is comfortable with, though if you find that you are both dominant, for example, unless you are both willing to rotate roles in order to please the other,your journey into BDSM might already be over before it has begun.

Best ways to start BDSM

After you have a good understanding of your roles, you are ready to start your journey into BDSM. The key really is taking things slow and building them up over time. Start with some mild activities such as spanking and tying them up, and then go from there. The more hardcore BDSM activities are definitely not for the fainthearted and so need to be built up to. These need to be performed safely and carefully, so require you to become comfortable in BDSM before you even attempt to perform them.

Very important is that the dominant person makes sure that they know exactly what they are doing, and at all times, this person makes sure that they do not overstep the boundaries set out by the submissive person. Finally, for more dangerous BDSM activities, you must have a safety word with which the submissive person can instantly stop the proceedings. A safety word will prevent the chance that the dominant oversteps his or her boundaries, or risks causing that person any real injury without realizing it.

Never forget that provided BDSM is undertaken safely, it is an excellent way to bring newfound fun and excitement to your sex life.

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