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Dominant and Submissive: Who is Really In Charge of BDSM?

Dominant and SubmissiveAfter watching Fifty Shades of Grey with my friend, we decided to head over to a Starbucks to discuss the world of BDSM. My friend Daniel has been in a BDSM relationship with his wife for over three years. He explains that BDSM involves a dominant and a submissive. The Dominant is the one who is on top and in charge of the submissive. The submissive will obey and sacrifice his or her pleasure for the dominant. He or she will allow the dominant to take control over every action. Before both the dominant and submissive get into action, they have to create a contract. This contract discusses the “limits” that the submissive puts on the table. Limits are basically what the submissive is willing or not willing to do. At the end of the day, Daniel claims that the dominant is always in charge, but in actuality, I believe the submissive is the one in charge.

Here is the deal with the submissive-dominant relationship. “The submissive gives up control to the dominant until such a time they feel it necessary to take that control back.” For example, if the dominant is on top and is whipping the submissive, it may seem like they are in charge, but once the submissive feels that it’s too much, they can yell out their safe word. Then the dominant will have to stop and give back the power to the submissive.The submissive is the one who agrees and disagrees with the limits, they are also the one who creates the limit. In addition, they make a safe word that is easy to pronounce that will command the dominant to stop if the submissive feels uncomfortable. The submissive decides how far to take it and when they want to stop. The dominant may have control over the submissive but they do not get to decide the transfer of power. Only the submissive can decide where the power goes, therefore the submissive is truly in charge.

After my explanation, Daniel was confused. He further claims that if the submissive was in charge then why don’t they ever get on top or control the activity. The simple answer is “trust,” which the submissive must have for the dominant or else the relationship will not work. It is disrespectful for a submissive to get on top of the dominant without permission. It is a sign of distrust towards the dominant and can ruin the dynamic of the sexual activity. This would represent the struggle for power rather than the exchange of power. The struggle would signify the lack of control and confidence on the submissive’s part. This is why it’s important for the submissive to truly trust the dominant in the BDSM activity. The deep meaning of the trust lies in the fact that the dominant will not push the boundary and will ultimately respect the submissive, and is willing to give back control when it is requested.

Daniel started pondering about this philosophical explanation. He has finally understood the idea behind the relationship. He is a dominant who trust that his wife (the submissive) will serve his needs and provide him pleasure over her own. She trusts that he will not harm her or go beyond the boundaries. Whenever she feels uncomfortable and that it’s too much, she will yell out her safe words, and Daniel will have to stop. The whole BDSM exchange of power progression goes something like this: Before commitment (the control lies with the submissive), at commitment (control is passed to the dominant with limitations), learning (as the dominant breaks down limits, more control is given by the submissive), at maturity (more control to the dominant), at decline (submissive gradually takes back control), and end of commitment (submissive has total control).

BDSM relationshipDuring the whole BDSM process, you will notice how the submissive begins the activity and ends the activity with control. Ultimately, submissive role needs to remember that control is given not taken. In some ways, a vanilla relationship between a man and a woman has some BDSM to it. Men are bigger, dominant, and protective, and women are smaller, petite, and submissive. Men are usually on top during sex, and women on the bottom. Despite all this, the woman is the one in control. She determines the exchange of power and when to take back control. If she is uncomfortable with the sex or love making, she is the one who usually stops it. The man who is dominant is given trust that he will not harm the woman.  If the woman does not trust or respect the man, the whole dynamic is ruin. If the man does not respect the women’s limits, the dynamic is also ruin. Basically, BDSM involves a lot of trust and respect between two parties, the dominant and submissive. If these elements are not taken cared of, then BDSM is not safe for both parties.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the submissive is submitting because they want to. It’s pleasurable to submit to the master. However, a slave submits because he or she has to. It is commanded by the master. “Want to” and “have to” are on the opposite spectrum, the former is desire whereas the later is forced. Submissive involving BDSM is the desire to please the master, therefore it is the control of power. The Master’s slave isn’t really submitting to him, rather she is submitting to her own desire to do so which in turns means that he is not on top. Therefore a slave that isn’t really submitting is being commanded by a master that isn’t really dominating. This would be the exceptional irony of BDSM where the submissive is the master and the dominant is the slave. Keep in mind that it is important that the dominant feels free and relax to dominate without feeling judged by the submissive. If the dominant does not feel this freedom, he ends up being a pleaser tool to the submissive. That is why a healthy balance is required in order to create a desirable BDSM experience.

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Pain+Pleasure=BDSM? More about BDSM You May Not Know

What is BDSM?BDSM is the new sex god act in town and you cannot think of it without the movie “50 Shades of Grey” popping up your mind. BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).To many people, BDSM is perverted and dehumanizing but those who have actually tried it describe it as the most fulfilling and loving form of intimacy. People who love sexual fetishes are those who are most likely to engage in BDSM dating. They would flood BDSM sites in an effort to learn the best BDSM tips and how best to get intimate with their partners.

The origin of BDSM can be traced to the ancient times. Some five hundred years ago, a strange disease had spread through Europe and a group of people walked along the streets beating their bodies with whips and chains as they sought redemption from God. They soon realized that there was pleasure in pain and suffering and that was the birth of fetish dating.

Sex has been exploited and it is no longer a sacred topic. Some have taken it overboard unleash their sexual demons. Many people have the desire to be tied and become someone’s slave but that is not what BDSM is all about. BDSM sex basically involves people going into a trance,letting loose and being a totally different person so as to attain maximum pleasure from sex.

BDSM in our everyday lives.

Millions of couples practice sadomasochism every day without even realizing it. Every time people have fights, insult each other but they still don’t walk out of those relationships because that is where they find pain, pleasure and suffering, that right there is BDSM 101.

Spanking, rough sex, anal sex, anal fingering, hair pulling, the use of a safe word, organism denial and organism control are other ways through which couples practice BDSM without even knowing it.

Practicing BDSM.

People should be careful before practicing BDSM. This is because BDSM sex is not something you can fumble your way through.It is an act that touches the soul, is quite addicting and can be pretty harmful to body organs.

It is important to discuss with your partner your likes and dislikes as well as your pain spots. The next step is to try out staff in anon-sexy way because bondage can sometimes induce panic. You cannot imagine what would go on in your mind when your foreskin is stapled to your thigh.Would you laugh of pleasure or wince at the thought of pain? One has to learn the art of scaring the living shit out of someone but in a sexy way.

Creating a pleasure house and adopting dominant and submissive roles require some changes in your normal life. The polka-dotted pajamas you wear on a normal basis would not work and you need to think of leather pieces with metallic studs.

Before you begin any BDSM sessions, the dominant partner should leave the room so as to allow the submissive to ‘get into character’ and prepare himself/herself for action. Some fetish sites call this decompressing. It is very important to always remember the safe word as this notifies the dominant that submissive cannot take the pain anymore. Since most of the time the submissive is gagged, there should be a hand signal for a safety word as well. The dominant needs to trust that the submissive will use their safe word to avoid panic setting in.

Historical and Scientific Relevance of BDSM.

Rome and Persia believed that a man could sacrifice himself to save his Country. In ancient Greece, the Spartan warriors were whipped every year, all day long in respect of the goddess Artemis while the crowd cheered them on to bear the pain with dignity.

Practicing BDSM.In the history of the Saints, St. Rosa run through a garden, letting the thorns tear her skin. St. Domingo Loricatus whipped himself every night before sleeping. They all said that pain once mastered could lead to religious ecstasy.

Research findings reveal that BDSM practitioners appear to be less troubled than the general population. They are more extroverted, more open to new experiences, and more conscientious than other normal people are. They are also less neurotic, a personality trait characterized by anxiety. BDSM aficionados also scored lower than the general public on rejection and sensitivity. People practicing BDSM also reported higher levels of well-being than people who weren’t practicing it. They also reported more secure feelings of attachment in their relationships and were found to have better mental health.

Approaching BDMS the right way.

Things can quickly get out of hand in BDMS relationships. The red flags include things moving too quickly for your comfort, being pressured to do things you are not sure of, inappropriate attitudes, uncomfortable comments or questions, lack of communication, ignoring the safe word or signal. These are signs that your partner does not respect your boundaries and your body. Equality in BDSM relationships should be maintained. This is because both partners are equal and that one person consensually agrees to submit in a way that is mutually beneficial to both of them. Submission is something that the submissive gives to the dominant and they have the right take it back and walk away anytime. If someone is domineering, make demands that are not agreed upon or treats the submissive in a way that makes them feel like they are less of a person,then they are against BDSM rules which call for mutual respect.

A lot of stigma is attached to sexual appetite and desires and as such many people tend to shun BDMS. However, BDSM is pretty normal and quite pleasurable if trust, honesty, and equality are maintained just like in any other relationship.Have you ever wonder why fear makes you love more. Why the painful past of your partner makes want to cling to them? Why the everyday fights with your partner makes you passionate and desire them than ever before? All these behaviors are human and are more tied to the fact that we all have the sadomasochism in us.

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BDSM Guide: 7 Tips For Spanking

spanking sexBDSM has received much attention among people who live out there in the world. This has created an ideal platform for the popularity of spanking. Spanking can be considered as one of the most amazing experiences that you will be able to enjoy along with BDSM hookup. However, you need to have a clear understanding about spanking in order to get the best out of it. Here is a comprehensive guide on spanking, which would work for all the BDSM couples and singles.

  1. Set up the dominant and submissive roles

As the first step of spanking, you will have to think about setting up the dominant and submissive roles. Without these two roles, it would not be possible for you to engage with spanking. Usually, the male partner plays the role of the dominant. However, it is perfectly fine to switch the roles as well. If you become the dominant partner, you should think of spanking as a measure that you are taken to punish your partner for how bad she has been. It would be a good idea to discuss the things with your partner, before you go ahead with spanking. Then you will be able to select appropriate roles with a clear understanding. The next thing you should do is to let your imagination drive you throughout all those naughty scenarios and thoughts.

  1. Define the limits

Like all the other techniques in BDSM, spanking should also be associated with a limit. It is up to you to discuss with your partner and agree upon that limit. It would be a good idea to set up a safe word, where your partner can say out loud, when you go beyond her acceptable limits. It can be any word. However, you need to be careful enough to pay your attention towards that word. You can keep on enjoying the pleasure of spanking, until the safe word comes out of the mouth of your partner. When you are into BDSM, it is completely natural to force your partner to many different sex techniques. These techniques could include rough ones as well. However, it is important to have a clear understanding about the techniques with your partner, before you get into them.

  1. Warm up the butts first

Before you start spanking, it is important for you to warm up the butts of your partner. Then you can think about increasing the intensitygradually. In other words, you should never start spanking straightaway. This can deliver a painful experience to your partner. You can lightly swat the butt of your partner and this will assist you to create a soft stinging sensation. In addition, she will get used to the spank as well. When you go through few slaps, you can think about increasing the intensity gradually.

  1. Develop anticipation in between the spanks

It is extremely important for you to develop anticipation in between each and every spank. That’s because slapping the ass of your partner too fast can create discomfort. This can turn off your partner. Therefore, you need to have a break in between each and every spank. You can also think about using that break in order to build anticipation. For example, you can think about giving two to three spanks for your partner in a row. Then you can rub her lady parts and kiss her back. After that, you can think about slapping her butt again. You need to keep in mind that such an experience could be fun and erotic. Therefore, you should be aware of when you should go for the break.

  1. Use different hand techniques

BDSM spankingWhen it comes to spanking, you are provided with the ability to try many different hand techniques. These hand techniques are in a position to create various sensations. You should always keep the fact in your mind that spanking is a form of art. It is up to you to follow that form of art, so that you can end up with the best possible results. Spanking with a supped palm can be considered as one of the most popular spanking techniques available for you to try out. This can increase the noise that is being produced while spanking, without increasing the pain. On the other hand, you can also think about trying to spank with a flat palm, while having all your fingers relaxed. This can also give life to more noise at the time of slapping. This hand technique can be used to deliver the real stinging sensation to your partner. You can think about switching in between these techniques in order to enjoy the best out of spanking.

  1. Use toys

It would be a good idea to use toys while you are spanking your partner. If you are a person who is into BDSM dating, you must be having a good collection of toys along with you. When you incorporate the toys into spanking, you will get the opportunity to enjoy a unique experience. If you don’t have any toys, you don’t need to worry about anything because it is possible for you to use some of the household items such as whips, paddles and belts for spanking.

  1. Add dirty talk into the spanking session

Last but not least, all the BDSM couples should think about adding dirty talk into the spanking sessions. This can transform spanking into a fascinating experience. Both you and your partner can think about adding dirty talk into the session. You have to keep the fact in your mind that you are punishing your partner through spanking for a reason. Therefore, you need to be dominant as well as erotic. If you can whisper dirty things to the ear of your partner, you will be able to make spanking a unique and a wonderful experience. If you don’t know how to dirty talk, you are encouraged to learn it, before you get into spanking.

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Make Sure Your BDSM Activity Private Because the World is Not Friendly

Do you enjoy BDSM and you are active about it? That’s great, because it can really spice up your private life, allowing you to privatehave the intimate experiences you dream about. Still, when it comes to BDSM and BDSM dating, you’d better keep it away from the eyes of the people around you, because you may end up being judged for nothing. Most people that are a part of the BDSM community keep to themselves, not telling others around them about their interests. The majority of people is not into BDSM and may even consider it a deviant behavior. Thus, you may end up looking like a psycho or weirdo in their opinion, even if your life is as normal as it can get, besides your sexual preferences.

People that enjoy BDSM are very normal persons, being individuals that have regular jobs, do groceries, like going for walks in the park, and do all the activities other people do. The only difference being the things that turns them on in the bedroom. And this should be a private chapter, regardless of what preferences you have. These things are about you and only for you, so it is not healthy to share them publicly, not even to people that you may consider good friends. While talking about regular sexual preferences with people you know, things connected to BDSM dating or fetish dating may sound awkward to them. You may end up being avoided, called names, even face rude statements from people, because they do not understand these things. And what people don’t understand will push them to make all the wrong assumptions, making them judge other people in the wrong way.

BDSM loveIf you like the BDSM hookup, just keep it for yourself. If you want to have a peaceful life, it is best to keep some things away from the world. It’s not like you are hiding, but the world is simply not friendly at all when it comes to some aspects. Why complicate things when you can just keep them for yourself. No matter what you try to do, you will not be able to change the way most people see BDSM and this is not your fault. Just look at how gay and lesbians are still struggling to find acceptance, and they are not new into this world at all. The world just doesn’t seem to get out of its pattern and accept that some of us are different.

So, there are things that can be shared and things that should be kept private. BDSM activities or fetish dating are two of those things, for the sake and sanity of your life. You shouldn’t feel guilty of being different or enjoying things that are not common for the rest. Accept who you are and be happy, which means to do the things that will allow you to be happy. And just keep private things private, as it is the best approach to make sure that people won’t judge you, making you look like something you are not.

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BDSM Dating: What You Need to Know

When you are into BDSM dating what it means is that you enjoy bondage as well as S and M. What that means is that you fetish-sexmight want to be a part of a relationship where you are the dominant or the submissive party, and you are in a relationship with someone who has the same desires that you do. Dating sites can speed up the process of meeting the ideal person for your fetish. Because without this kind of website, there is always the process of learning about the other person and finding out if they are into BDSM dating. That can be a long and arduous process and what that means is that it is important to make sure that when you are working on this that you are able to have a discussion about what you like in a relationship early and that you and your partner will be on the same page with all of your desires.

If you are a part of the BDSM lifestyle, you will enjoy the fact that you are able to meet someone who is into the same things from the moment that you meet them, and that means that you will not have to work at it quite so much. When you are looking for a person who has the same needs as you, you will be able to have a better idea about everything that you want in the bedroom. These sorts of relationships will allow you to explore your sexuality with someone in a way that you have never been able to do before.

bdsm-onlineIf you have thought about exploring other parts of your relationship you may also want to consider fetish dating, this is dating that centers around one particular thing that both parties in the relationship like and that will mean that all parties are able to be satisfied when it comes to the relationship. When you are looking for someone who has the same interests, a fetish dating site is the way to meet new people who fit into this category. One thing to also keep in mind is that fetishes are as varied as people, and when you are able to openly discuss it with the other party you will be happy with the results. What this means for you, is that you are able to explore a part of your sexuality which otherwise might have taken years to uncover and that might not be possible for you to know about from the beginning. When you are planning on dating someone why take the time that is required to learn everything about them when you can know from the beginning that you have everything that you need in the relationship with the other person.

Using BDSM and fetish dating sites to find your mate is something that will stream line your process and allow you to find love.

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BDSM Dating Sites: Free vs Paid?

Even though BDSM dating is relatively new to the world, a large number of BDSM sites have come up. These fetish dating free BDSM dating sitessites can be divided into two main categories as free and paid websites. If you are struggling hard to find a reliable dating site out of them, you have come to the right place. We will compare the differences that you can find in between free and paid fetish dating websites and assist you to select the best out of them.

The free dating websites are open for everyone. Therefore, you will be able to find all sorts of people in such a website. Some of them might have joined the website for their curiosity and they might not be looking for someone. Or else, they must be looking for a new way to spend their free time. In addition, a lot of people who join free BDSM sites are singles who feel lonely. They just need to join a dating website and communicate with other people. In fact, they might not have a clear idea about what BDSM is. Only few genuine people who are really into BDSM dating can be found in these free websites. If you are looking for a genuine BDSM partner, you are not advised to sign up with a free website. On the other hand, people who are into BDSM join paid websites because they know that their money will not be in vain. Therefore, the rate of finding a genuine partner in a paid BDSM website is extremely high.

BDSM lovePaid BDSM dating websites offer a wide array of advanced features to the users when compared to free websites. That’s because free BDSM sites do not ask for any subscription fee from their users and they only depend on the advertisements. You will only be provided with tons of profiles and you will have to go through them and select the partners that you prefer to date. When it comes to paid BDSM sites, you will be provided with a large number of filters, which can be used to figure out the ideal partner that matches perfectly well with your specific needs and requirements. Moreover, paid sites have an excellent customer support and you will be able to contact them to clarify all the doubts and issues that you have. On a paid fetish dating website, will be able to have a look at the preferences of others users without going through their profiles individually. This will assist you to find a partner to date within a short period of time.

As you can see, paid dating websites are associated with a wide array of benefits as well as advantages when compared to free websites. Therefore, all the people who are really into BDSM dating are encouraged to visit paid websites and look for potential partners. The time and money you spend on a paid website will not be in vain.

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Getting Started in BDSM & Fetish Dating

BDSM seems to have gotten a bad rep in too many crime TV programs. But if you set aside the this aspect of it, it can actually BDSM singlesbe a fun and active lifestyle. BDSM actually has three meanings: Bondage Discipline; Dominance Submission; and Sado-Masochism. Both men and women seem to equally participate, and that is not in traditional Victorian roles of the woman being submissive and the man being dominant either.

If you’re curious about this lifestyle, there are BDSM and fetish dating sites you can take a try. If you live in a large city, chances are there are several events each month, so you can set aside your shyness and attend one or two. This community is extremely friendly and welcoming.

When you meet other BDSM or fetish daters, they’ll be happy to show you the ropes! Everyone is open to questions in this community.

Don’t forget that with other types of dating, you don’t want to freak anyone out either. Everything is always in a consensual environment, and with safe words. You will never have to do anything you don’t want to do, and you certainly don’t want to freak out anyone else either.

The key to success with BDSM and fetish dating is to have fun! Many may wonder what exactly you’ll do on dates. Well, sex itself often takes a backstage. In fact, it appeals to all age groups, as some people may be up to a little play, but not want to go beyond that.

fetish datingIt all begins with sexy outfits, and not just for the ladies, but for gentlemen too. Black lace, sheer stockings, tight clothing, leather, vinyl, and feather boas are all just some of the items you may wear on your BDSM date. If you have stuff in your closet this is the chance to finally dig it out and use it.

Toy whips, chains, and handcuffs are popular too. These are fun items, not the real thing. If you’re new to this lifestyle you’ll want to wait a bit before playing with the real thing. If you’re a pro then you’re likely looking for a date or partner who is also interested in mixing things up.

If you’ve had partners in the past who’ve only practiced the “missionary” position which bores you, that may be one reason why you’ve decided to start BDSM dating. If you’re a man you may wish to take a break from man on top and allow a woman to take some dominance. Likewise, woman may be tired of being submissive and want to take dominance over a man.

There can be some fun role playing that happens during a BDSM or fetish date. If you don’t have anyone to play with on your lonely weekends, it can be super boring. It’s best to find a great BDSM website or fetish dating site, so you can meet people who also enjoy this lifestyle. People who practice regular dating don’t even know what they’re missing out on!

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BDSM Dating – Spice Up Your Love Life

When it comes to BDSM, it is something that many people do not understand. With the recent success of 50 Shades of Grey, bdsm lovemany people think that they can get a riding crop, and they will become a professional overnight. This is definitely not the case. However, if you have the desire to learn more, BDSM can be something that can spice up your love life whether you are single or a part of a couple.

What is BDSM?

The acronym stands for Bondage, Dominance, Submission and Masochism. The basic tenant is that there is one partner who is dominant and one who is submissive, and this can take the form of many kinds of play that involves riding crops, whips, feathers, and even food. There are many incarnations; this can add a whole new level to your relationship if you have been thinking about incorporating BDSM dating into your mix. 

What is BDSM Dating?

bdsm datingThis is a kind of date where couples can have one partner be the dominant and the other submissive, and they then are able to engage in a play together. Every kind of incarnation for BDSM dating is available if you reference BDSM sites, you will see that there are couples who want to meet with other couples, individuals who prefer to meet with couples, and individuals who seek to meet with other individuals. You will be able to find any kind of configuration with a BDSM partner that you might have been looking for with one of the right dating sites.

What is Fetish Dating?

When it comes to fetish dating, it is another form of meeting people with like attractions. A fetish is something that a person really likes and enjoys in the bedroom. Fetishes range from feet to food, to stuffed animals. When you decide that you are looking for a partner of the same persuasion, you will be able to find one on a site. This will cut down on the amount of time that is required to find the other person who likes the same things that you do.

The Dating World 101

Technology has put tools in our hands that allow us to be more successful than ever at meeting a person of like interests. What that means is that in our intrepid searches, we simply have to be honest about what we are looking for, and we will be able to find it in a partner with a bit of searching. Whatever you are looking for or into, it is only a click away these days. Be honest with yourself and realize we are all individuals who have different desires. Your partner is a click away with BDSM sites!